My kids love to tell people that I am an alligator wrestler. It’s true, but not in the literal sense. As a matter of fact, almost any woman, when asked, will agree that she wrestles alligators every day…. Then she smiles, and that’s the power of the metaphor: The smile.

I coined that phrase for a significant reason: it puts my problems into perspective so I don’t depress myself and my friends. Life’s problems, like alligators, can be unmanageable and totally consuming—if we let them. One of the keys to managing horrendous problems is to minimize our drama around them.

Experience taught me this lesson. As a 37-year-old married professional, the sky was falling around me in big chunks, paralyzing me with fear! I listed the trials of the week in my journal, feeling helpless.  The list included the death of an in-law, an IRS tax audit, the disappearance of my troubled stepson, the birth of my son, and the recurrence of my husband’s testicular cancer—overwhelming life events, all within seven days’ time.

Whenever a caring friend or relative called to ask for news, I related all the devastation. While reporting, however, I could feel my energy AND the energy of the listener sink. Before long, the calls ceased. People avoided us. I felt angry that I had been forced to take a victim’s position. I did not ask God to give me a husband with cancer or a stepson who would run away.

It wasn’t until years later, having written my book The Womanly Art of Alligator Wrestling, that I realized the importance of using this metaphor in daily language. Addressing a frustrating problem as an alligator actually kept my morale up. The ultimate test came as the book went to print, when our family received another phone call bearing news of tragedy, again of epic proportions: A beloved  pregnant family member had been murdered.  

As the tragedy unfolded, it grew rapidly. I will never be able to accurately describe the pain and devastation around such a horrendous incident. With counseling for all of us, plus the care of our church family and other support groups, we slowly began putting our lives back together.  

Fortunately our tragedy occurred out of town, but people who knew us were full of questions. One can’t help but be curious about any sensational tragedy; that’s human nature. Although it means a lot to have compassionate friends, we learned that it is important to discern and be selective. My husband’s curious barber was NOT the person to share with.

Once I began referring to life challenges as “alligators” to wrestle, alligator mascots appeared from many sources. Alligator purses, pins, flashlights, and a pond float are a few. All are reminders to keep my sense of humor in check. My collection now exceeds 30 alligators! I even claim the title of Alligator Queen.

However, it was not until a recent invitation to speak at Randolph Community College that I discovered inspiration from another animal, the armadillo. It’s the armadillo that carries the wisdom needed by those of us wrestling alligators.

In a nutshell, here is Armadillo Wisdom for Alligator Wrestlers:

1)       Dig deep. Armadillos, mammals, have strong claws for digging deep trenches and burrows. They remind us to dig for life’s wisdom, reflecting on the value of our lives. As we search for knowledge gained from our past mistakes and identify the greatness of others who impacted our lives, our wisdom surfaces.

2)       Know your unique strengths and the value you bring to the world. There are 20 species of armadillos, each having unique qualities. There is the Pink Fairy armadillo that digs a burrow and plugs up the hole with its armor, just like the cork in a wine bottle. Giant armadillos live in Brazil, and the three-ringed, six-ringed and nine-ringed armadillos in South and North America. (The nine-ringed armadillo is the American one.)

 Some armadillos swim, and can hold their breath for six minutes under water. They have sweet, gourmet meat, like very fine pork. They are also valuable for scientific research. Since armadillos bear four identical young inside one placenta, they have contributed to research regarding multiple births and reproduction issues.

Armadillos are only the animal that can have leprosy. In addition, they are used for research in skin and organ transplants, AIDS, and tests of cancer-causing agents. One must never dismiss this animal as simply roadkill!

3)       When life is threatening and scary, play ball. The three ringed armadillo is the only species to roll up in a ball in the face of danger. But what a great metaphor for us: when life is tough, play ball or participate in an activity that nurtures your playful spirit. Play a musical instrument, join a sports team, collect something…whatever suits your fancy.

While my family and I grieved after our tragedy, we found refuge in a variety of activities that helped us to process our grieving in a healthy way. We rode roller coasters so we could scream. We picked cherries, forcing us to focus on the “now” moment of climbing a ladder. We attended live theater and rented movies, shopped yard sales and explored museums. This helped us to integrate the past events and choose appropriate responses for the future.

Take my alligator metaphor as my gift to you. When times are tough, tell yourself and others that you are just “wrestling alligators right now.” Then think of the armadillo’s wisdom. Dig deep. Reflect in a journal or take long walks to ponder your learning. Remind yourself of your core strengths and unique value, remembering that even the lowly armadillo is a valued member of our ecosystem and of scientific research. Then determine how you will play ball, choosing activities that nurture your playful spirit. You will know that you have caged the alligator, and life again is manageable.